ROBB TODD
My first collection of fiction is on sale. Someone actually let me have a book.
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© 2011 Robb Todd
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I ALSO HANG OUT HERE
OTHER PEOPLE'S STUFF
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Wild turkey and Coke.
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The Caging of America; Why do we lock up so many people?
The scale and the brutality of our prisons are the moral scandal of...
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for me piracy is:
- download something
- put it on a DvD
- sell it
- make profit
not what most of us do:
- ...
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Two Hands Are Better Than Four, by Nathaniel Tower
My son was born with four hands. I suppose it would’ve been okay if he had four arms, but he’s...
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“For the first time in my life, I was proud of my son. I went over and ruffled his hair and then picked him up. I asked if I could play with one of...
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Retreat.
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nada surf live youtube concert comments are a gold mine
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“You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that...”
Humiliation for the good of the world
Necessary Fiction asked writers to share unedited, unpublished early work, and discuss how they have evolved. What a great idea. I’m into humiliation.
Here’s what I had to say about it — and if you think my writing sucks now, wait till you read this. It is much worse.
EVERY DOG IS A KILLER IN HER HEART
A man on the street said, “Can you help me? I’m poor.” I handed him a banana and he said, “Everything you need to know about life you can learn by watching animals,” and he peeled it by pinching off the black spot at the bottom, not by pulling the stem. “I speak several languages, including toddler, and I’ve picked flowers from rhinoceros horns. Every ritual is forced upon us.” He ate the banana and rubbed his cheek with the back of his hand, looked around, stared into shop windows, eyed the pedestrians, regarded the traffic. He rolled up his sleeve, revealing a faded tattoo of a sleeve. “All we know are assemblages.”
WE WILL NEVER DIE JUST YET
This is important (and do not ever let someone who is successful at life tell you otherwise): There is a building near my office that was used as an exterior shot on a famous sitcom about a group of friends. It has been off the air for almost a decade but the show is syndicated. Tourists stand on the corner and take pictures of it. All day long. The show was not even filmed in this city. This is our culture. Tourists. Photos. All. Day. Long.
I took two pictures of food today. I do not have a healthy relationship with food nor money but I get along with liquid fine.
Remember when we saw the plane writing in the sky?
The approaching train sounded like lasers. On the train, a man with a torn jacket said to a little woman wearing a red coat, “Excuse me, miss. What day is it?”
She pulled her earbuds out. “Friday.”
He said thank you. At the next stop, he said, “One of these guys should give you a seat.”
She could not hear him. She had her earbuds in again.
“They should give you a seat!” He had an unopened can in his pocket, something to drink. “Is this 59th street?”
Another man said, “When it stops, bro.”
The man with the torn jack held out his hand with the cross dangling. “Could you spare a quarter?”
Outside the gym, a man walked past wearing green jeans. Does that mean anything to anyone any more?
Inside the elevator to the gym, a woman told another woman that she has a student whose name is pronounced “shu-thead” but it is not spelled that way. It has an I and no dash. The other woman laughed and said she has a student named La-Dasha, spelled La-Dasha, with a dash.
Inside the gym, a sweaty man wore a T-shirt that said, I HAVE DOUGHNUTS AT HOME. The view from the yoga studio is sick.
Outside the gym, two giant dump trucks stopped for a little old lady jaywalking with a cane, a pile of dead Chistmas trees near a no-parking sign. A blind man in white fur coat stood on the corner, tapping things. A little girl with a pink, rolling backpack stomped down the sidewalk making angry noises.
Relationships, my life, my feelings blahblah I do not know how it is for other people.
AIRPORT
“At this time we are only pre-boarding our first class passengers, business class passengers, small business class passengers, business school grads, platinum club members, diamond deluxe members, gold medallion members, Captain’s Club members, Mile High Club members, and all premium class passengers and club members, members of the armed forces — excluding the Coast Guard but including the National Guard — passengers needing special assistance, small children needing special medication, insomniac babies, billy goats, donkeys, flightless birds of any kind and any barky animals that fit securely in a purse, Internet moguls, oil barons, royal barons, all royalty, heirs and heiresses, anyone wearing leopard print sweatpants and designer sunglasses, anyone wearing a black turtleneck and wire rim glasses, as well as any of the other fashionable and unfashionable elite class who will have their choice of inflight meals, which include lobster rolls, lobster salad, lobster bisque, lobster thermidor, or, for members of the eco-elite, a copy of the book ‘Consider the Lobster,’ while they recline in leather seats and enjoy free wine, free wi-fi, free hive fives, low carbon footprints, hot towel service, and deep tissue massage, and if you are not boarding the plane yet, please wait a little while longer while we fill it from front to back instead of back to front so you have to squeeze your way with your bags past people who never have to wait for anything and if you are lucky enough not to get bumped from this overbooked flight we will only allow you to sleep in steerage for a moment before we wake you up with a sharp slam to the knee from a beverage cart and spill coffee on your lap and sell you a bag of crushed potato chips at a handsome markup while blocking the aisle to the bathroom for half an hour. Thank you for your patience. We will now begin regular boarding for women who won’t stop talking and men who won’t stop snoring and anyone who can’t fit his or her bag in the overhead compartment but won’t stop trying. We know you have your choice of airlines and, as always, we appreciate your business. Thank you for flying with us.”
If you are not afraid when you write, then you are not writing anything important.
