ROBB TODD

Someone actually let me have a book. My first collection of fiction is on sale. You can even enjoy a Kindle edition.

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© 2012 Robb Todd

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    I ALSO HANG OUT HERE

    OTHER PEOPLE'S STUFF

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    From what cause I, of course, cannot say.Of course, from what cause I cannot say.Of course, I cannot say from what cause.From what cause, of course, I cannot say.I cannot say from what cause, of course.From what cause I cannot, of course, say.From what cause I cannot say, of course. I cannot say, of course, from what cause.

    From what cause I, of course, cannot say.
    Of course, from what cause I cannot say.
    Of course, I cannot say from what cause.
    From what cause, of course, I cannot say.
    I cannot say from what cause, of course.
    From what cause I cannot, of course, say.
    From what cause I cannot say, of course.
    I cannot say, of course, from what cause.

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    The man pointed at a pigeon perched on the back of a bench and said it wanted to sit on my arm if I would give it somewhere to land. He called the birds by name. “Come here, Cinnamon. Here, girl.” I held my arm out.

    The man pointed at a pigeon perched on the back of a bench and said it wanted to sit on my arm if I would give it somewhere to land. He called the birds by name. “Come here, Cinnamon. Here, girl.” I held my arm out.

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    TWO REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS ONE The last movie I saw was set in present day but the young protagonist had an answering machine. When is Hollywood going to give that up? Nobody younger than 50 has an answering machine and only seven people fifty or older have them—and four of those are broken and the dudes just won’t throw them away. That’s not a lot of answering machines! If they haven’t stopped making them entirely, they will soon. Sorry, screenwriters. You’ll have to find another device to clue us in on important narrative details.  TWO Later this month, the Uptown Collective’s Led Black Book Club will feature my collection, Steal Me for Your Stories. Drop by APT 78 in Washington Heights at 1pm on Feb. 25. I’ll read you a story. This is probably as close as I will have to a book release party, so … let’s party. More info is here, and it’s so fancy you have to RSVP. Do you know what RSVP stands for? Yes, Retired Senior Volunteer Program. That’s an important program. RSVP is also a track by The Bloodhound Gang from the 2000 album Hooray for Boobies. HOORAY!

    TWO REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS

    ONE

    The last movie I saw was set in present day but the young protagonist had an answering machine. When is Hollywood going to give that up? Nobody younger than 50 has an answering machine and only seven people fifty or older have them—and four of those are broken and the dudes just won’t throw them away. That’s not a lot of answering machines! If they haven’t stopped making them entirely, they will soon.

    Sorry, screenwriters. You’ll have to find another device to clue us in on important narrative details. 

    TWO

    Later this month, the Uptown Collective’s Led Black Book Club will feature my collection, Steal Me for Your Stories. Drop by APT 78 in Washington Heights at 1pm on Feb. 25. I’ll read you a story.

    This is probably as close as I will have to a book release party, so … let’s party. More info is here, and it’s so fancy you have to RSVP. Do you know what RSVP stands for? Yes, Retired Senior Volunteer Program. That’s an important program. RSVP is also a track by The Bloodhound Gang from the 2000 album Hooray for Boobies.

    HOORAY!

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    YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE THE INTERNET UNATTENDED  I went to another country for a while. In that country, the doubya doubya web is expensive for foreigners. In that country, which is very cold, I snowboarded for the first time. By “snowboarded” I mean I fell down a mountain for two hours. I’m still a little numb. Also, people drink more when their lives are covered in snow. Also, they are nicer and say sorry when you are the person who should say sorry. They give you doughnuts, too. Also, some people leave hearts in the snow with their boots because they have that much love to give.  While all that was happening, this happened: LITnIMAGE and Fwriction : Review published stories I wrote with my very own fingers. They’re short. Read them. These stories are in my collection, which is now available on Amazon as a Kindle edition. That makes my brain melt a little. 

    YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE THE INTERNET UNATTENDED 

    I went to another country for a while. In that country, the doubya doubya web is expensive for foreigners. In that country, which is very cold, I snowboarded for the first time. By “snowboarded” I mean I fell down a mountain for two hours. I’m still a little numb.

    Also, people drink more when their lives are covered in snow. Also, they are nicer and say sorry when you are the person who should say sorry. They give you doughnuts, too. Also, some people leave hearts in the snow with their boots because they have that much love to give. 

    While all that was happening, this happened:

    LITnIMAGE and Fwriction : Review published stories I wrote with my very own fingers. They’re short. Read them. These stories are in my collection, which is now available on Amazon as a Kindle edition. That makes my brain melt a little. 

    Humiliation for the good of the world

    Necessary Fiction asked writers to share unedited, unpublished early work, and discuss how they have evolved. What a great idea. I’m into humiliation.

    Here’s what I had to say about it — and if you think my writing sucks now, wait till you read this. It is much worse. 

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    EVERY DOG IS A KILLER IN HER HEART A man on the street said, “Can you help me? I’m poor.” I handed him a banana and he said, “Everything you need to know about life you can learn by watching animals,” and he peeled it by pinching off the black spot at the bottom, not by pulling the stem. “I speak several languages, including toddler, and I’ve picked flowers from rhinoceros horns. Every ritual is forced upon us.” He ate the banana and rubbed his cheek with the back of his hand, looked around, stared into shop windows, eyed the pedestrians, regarded the traffic. He rolled up his sleeve, revealing a faded tattoo of a sleeve. “All we know are assemblages.”

    EVERY DOG IS A KILLER IN HER HEART

    A man on the street said, “Can you help me? I’m poor.” I handed him a banana and he said, “Everything you need to know about life you can learn by watching animals,” and he peeled it by pinching off the black spot at the bottom, not by pulling the stem. “I speak several languages, including toddler, and I’ve picked flowers from rhinoceros horns. Every ritual is forced upon us.” He ate the banana and rubbed his cheek with the back of his hand, looked around, stared into shop windows, eyed the pedestrians, regarded the traffic. He rolled up his sleeve, revealing a faded tattoo of a sleeve. “All we know are assemblages.”

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    Umbrellas are dumb.

    Umbrellas are dumb.

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    BEER CLOUD Definitely a wig for a woman (or man!) living in Brooklyn. 

    BEER CLOUD

    Definitely a wig for a woman (or man!) living in Brooklyn. 

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